'G.I. Oh No, They Didn't'

I admit I've been putting off seeing 'G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra' because I knew it was going to be bad. But, I didn't know it was going to be this bad.

Where do I begin? Just how old is Stephen Sommers, 12? Did he not watch G.I. Joe as a kid? Has he never seen the old cartoons or read the old comics? Does he have no concept of how to make a decent movie? Obviously not, because ROC is such a cinematic atrocity that I can't even really explain.

What exactly don't I like about this film? Duke is a punk? Zartan works for Destro? Not only do we see Cobra Commander, but he is a former soldier and mad scientific genius? The Baroness was Duke's former love and actually good??? Scarlett is into Ripcord???? What???? Who wrote this stuff? Worse yet, who approved this script? The CGI is terrible, the action sequences are ridiculous and uninteresting. It truly is a stinking pile of garbage.

This movie ruins everything that I love about G.I. Joe from my childhood. We can only hope somebody with talent decides to do a reboot like with 'Batman' and 'The Hulk'. Maybe next time someone will get it right.

True Joe fans will be sorely disappointed. General moviegoers will be insulted. Save yourself a lot of pain and go see District 9 instead.